i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
