do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
