Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
