That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
