ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
