Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
