Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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