dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
