You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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