my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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