I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
