allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize