Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
