i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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