over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
