Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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