Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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