I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
