dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
