I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
