Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
