puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
