Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
