i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
