Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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