I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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