On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
