I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
