You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
NoShamevember. You game?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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