At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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