I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
fuck your aforementioned shoe
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
