so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can I color on your dick again?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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