well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
