At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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