Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
