tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it's great music for shaving your balls
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
