My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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