I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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