just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
