someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
