If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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