Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
