if i can run in heels then i can drive
Don't make out with my wife yet
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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