I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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