Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Let's get the cat blown out
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
