I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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