Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
