oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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