I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
