They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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