she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're like the curious george of whores
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
