I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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